Tag Archives: eating disorders

It Takes Courage to Change: Day 4

06 Wednesday Jan 2016

Posted by in addictive behaviors, Anxiety, Codependence, Depression, Eating Disorders, Substance Abuse, therapy for women, Uncategorized, women and relationships

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Research Study on Mature Women and Eating Disorders
January 6, 2016 – Pekin Illinois

woman on scale stoopingHistorically, eating disorder research has always been about teens and young women, but a study published in the International Journal of Eating Disorders shows 13% of women ages 50 and older struggle with this problem and that 62% of those surveyed say their weight or shape has a negative impact on their lives.

There are 53 million women in the USA older than age 50. Cynthia Bulik, director of the eating disorders program at the University of North Carolina warns that the disorders have serious physical as well as emotional consequences.

Weight issues can impact life negatively. In this study, weight or shape affected self-perception in as many as 79%, 41% checked their body daily, and 36% spent at least half of their time in the last five years dieting. According to the author, these behaviors and attitudes put women at higher risk for full-blown eating disorders. Women with binge eating disorder battle feelings about food that are mixed with fear, anger, anxiety, loss or shame. As the binge eating cycle’s progress, her emotions become so complicated that she can’t even understand why she continues to binge. She faces an uphill battle as she seeks understanding in her relationship with food.

“I have been in the eating disorders field since 1987 and it has been a dream of mine to open a center in Central Illinois to serve women who suffer with eating disorders and other issues that interrupt and disrupt their lives,” says Bonnie Harken NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women in Pekin. “Since opening Crossroads in 2013, we offer intensive outpatient programs facilitated by a nationally known eating disorder expert, Mary Bellofatto, MA, LMHC, NCC, CEDS, TEP, F.iaedp, and Kellie Branch-Dircks, LCSW. Life and Recovery Coaching programs facilitated by Bonnie Harken, NCLC are also regularly offered in group and individual formats.

“America’s healthcare system has changed and the need for cost effective, intensely focused treatment has never been more important. There are many facilities that offer expensive long term inpatient treatment, but our four and five day treatment programs are unique. The philosophy of our approach is to provide programs by prominent clinicians offering focused and innovative care solutions.”

Contact: 800-348-0937
www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
bresourceful@earthlink.net

Buttercups and Porcupine Quills: Women, Anger, and Aggression

07 Wednesday Jan 2015

Posted by in Alcoholism, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Substance Abuse, therapy for women, women and relationships

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I addressed what makes ordinary women angry day-to-day in my previous blog and how our gender socialization impacts how we view and express anger as women. (In 1993, Thomas conducted the Women’s Anger Study, a large-scale investigation involving 535 women between the ages of 25 and 66. The study revealed three common roots to women’s anger: powerlessness, injustice and the irresponsibility of other people.)

Many of the long term consequences of anger are negative. Yet, anger is part of our biological makeup for both genders. It is part of the fight-or-flight reaction. It had survival value in the past and it has some positives in the present including but not limited to the following:

  1. It can be an appropriate response to injustice (anger may have played a role in social movements that led to equality for women, the elderly, blacks, the disabled, protection of helpless animals, Mothers Against Drunk Driving to name a few)
  2. It is an alerting function that may help us become aware of situations in our life that we need to address directly which may lead to problem solving
  3. It may present an increased motivation to right the wrongs we see in the world as well as in our individual lives

Verbal expressions of anger may include yelling, arguing, cursing and sarcasm. Anger can also be expressed physically by raising a clenched fist, throwing a book on the floor, breaking a pencil or hitting a wall.

Anger crosses the line when it becomes aggression. Aggression has a determined intention to harm another person. Often, it reflects a desire for dominance and control. Weapons are often involved. Aggression can be shown by punching, shoving, hitting or even maiming another person, and it can occur in marital violence, child or elder abuse, bullying, or gang and criminal activities. Research shows that 90% of the time, it is acts of aggression arising from anger that wind up in the criminal justice system. But only 10 percent of anger experiences are actually followed by aggression. People often want to act aggressively when angry but most do not actually take aggressive actions. This is not to say that anger may not have negative and long lasting effects on a marriage or other significant relationships.

Facts about anger:

  • Some degree of anger will be with us for all of our lives.
  • When anger is mild, infrequent, dissipates quickly and is expressed assertively (directly to the problem person, in a non-accusatory manner) and without aggression, then professional help is not needed
  • In such circumstances, anger may serve the role of simply highlighting your annoyance and it can lead to problem resolution.
  • Taking a breather using simple tools, such as relaxation techniques and visual imagery, can help soothe angry feelings and may be a good first step before talking to person with whom you are angry.

When is more intensive professional help necessary? There is cause for alarm if:

  • your anger is moderate to intense
  • experienced frequently
  • endures to the point where you are holding a grudge
  • you have plans for revenge and getting even
  • is expressed in aggressive verbal and physical actions

When you experience anger as outlined above, you are likely at risk for the negative relationship, health and sometimes legal repercussions related to inappropriate anger expression. There can be a very high cost to anger. The good news is that mental health professionals can help you understand the triggers for your anger and help you develop strategies to control your anger and improve your life. _____________________

The relaxation techniques used to reduce stress can be very helpful in coping with anger and expressing it appropriately. Crossroads Programs for Women offers on demand video psycho-educational lectures which include resource materials and exercises for relaxation. Check them out here: https://crossroadsprogramsforwomenvide.pivotshare.com/

If you believe your anger has become aggression, please call Crossroads for information on how our programs can help. www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com 800-348-0937

Now is the time to Make 2015 Your Best Year Ever!

03 Monday Nov 2014

Posted by in Alcoholism, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Grief and Loss, Substance Abuse, therapy for women, Uncategorized, women and relationships

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Make 2015 Your Masterpiece

We have a program this weekend!  Our schedule for November and December here:
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/Workshop%20Schedule.htm
Special pricing during the holidays. Celebrate the New Year with knowledge on how to change your life!  Call us at 800-348-0937 or use the contact form below!

Pain is Inevitable: Suffering is Optional?

17 Friday Oct 2014

Posted by in Alcoholism, Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Grief and Loss, Substance Abuse, therapy for women, women and relationships

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It is true that pain and sadness are part of the journey of life. I recently read this: “There is sadness but there is no suffering.” It was a statement meant to challenge most individuals’ belief about pain and suffering. The writer went on to say that pain and sadness are part of life but it is only when we resist our feelings that suffering happens.

When pain happens our natural tendency is to resist and deny the feelings. But…are we really denying ourselves when we resist our feelings? A second response is to run away from the feelings in a panic. But running away is followed by running after the feelings in order to control them. These actions actually reinforce the feelings as they subconsciously demand that we face them.

How can we break the cycle and avoid needless suffering? We must allow ourselves to be aware of the feeling. Then we need to acknowledge the feeling. The final step is to accept the feeling. So the thoughts change from I have lost that person/thing and I can’t go on (resistance) to I have lost that person/thing and I am sad.

The suffering lessens as we accept our sadness as a normal response to the loss. Then the process of healing can begin. Thus the writer’s statement: There is sadness but no suffering. Change is inevitable in life and often causes pain. If we can learn to face our feelings, we can accept their legitimacy in our journey.

We get stuck in our lives due to many factors: wounds of the past, conflicts of the present, and fears of the future. At Crossroads, we help women identify and accept their own definition of normal as part of their journey to happiness.  We provide a therapeutic setting free of judgment or shame to allow women to explore their needs and recognize how to achieve their goals. With expert guidance and a supportive environment of women who share your struggles, you will begin to understand the “whys” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life.

Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion.  Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective.  Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.

Our next program:
Learning to Love Yourself
Saturday October 25th – Tuesday October 28th! 

There is still time to be part of this compassionate journey to self-acceptance and healing pathway to self-fulfillment, a Four Day Intensive Outpatient Program.  Call us for more information 800-348-0937.  All inquiries are confidential  Or click on this link or copy and paste into your browser for more information!http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/WellsofChangeProgram.html
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com

 

 

[1] Article references available upon request

Understanding the Link Between Compulsive Behaviors and Attachment

11 Tuesday Mar 2014

Posted by in Depression, Eating Disorders, therapy for women

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Addictions and other compulsive behaviors are commonly referred to as “pleasure seeking activities”.  Some other self sabotaging, compulsive behaviors beyond the obvious drugs or alcohol include eating disorders, compulsive spending, gambling, promiscuity, and unhealthy relationships to name a few. Yet during treatment many suffering the consequences of destructive compulsive behaviors often relate that it has been a long time since they derived pleasure from it.  So if they no longer get a “high” from the behavior, why does the drive to use it grow stronger?

The attachment theory was developed through the study of mothers and infants, but scientists quickly realized that attachments play a crucial emotional role throughout our lives.

Looking more closely at human attachment, we are able to understand that compulsive behaviors may provide security rather than pleasure.  For example, when two people meet and form a romantic relationship, the initial romance is typically very exciting and pleasurable.  Many people who are falling in love seem intoxicated by their new love relationship.  But as familiarity grows, reality sneaks into the picture and imperfections and mismatches become apparent which have been ignored during the “blind love” phase.  These perceptions can lead to a breakup.  Usually, the shorter the relationship, the shorter the process of grieving the loss.

Couples who survive the doubting phase gradually transform their relationship from romantic intensity to more comforting pleasures, ie familiarity, security, and shared identity.  Most people prefer the less intense pleasures of a committed relationship to the excitement and pleasure of falling in love over and over again (relationship addiction and sexual addiction).  Although couples often miss the romantic intensity, the change is a natural biological and psychological process.  Attraction may bring people together, but lasting attachment is the result of familiarity, identity, and security which makes the idea of separation more devastating in a long-term committed relationship.  Romance provides excitement but attachments provide security which is far more valuable to us than any romance.  The loss of an attachment can cause a debilitating sense of loss and grief.

Relationships are only one example of the attachment process.  From a psychological standpoint, great importance has been given to the parent/child attachment as an indicator of the child’s emotional welfare in adulthood.  It can also apply to one’s chosen profession and can explain the feeling of  grief from a job loss, transition to a new career, or even retirement.  Attachments take many forms but most have the same characteristic process.  When they end in commitment, a new normal is established which is a fixed part of a person’s life.

Addiction comes from the Latin word for “attachment” and, psychologically, it follows the pattern of normal human attachment. During the early stages, addictive behaviors are intensely pleasurable. However, there are negative side effects from the very beginning—hangovers and other side effects of drug and alcohol abuse, physical complications of an eating disorder, financial setbacks from gambling, and the emotional distresses of unhealthy relationships. Many people end potentially addictive attachments due to these early warning signs and negative consequences. But in persons who develop addictions, their physical and cognitive resistance is not strong enough to overcome the relief or pleasure associated with the attachment or the complicated grief associated with its loss. As unhappy and miserable as they feel with their addictive behaviors, the unknowns of life without them as a coping mechanism is more terrifying.

For an outsider, it is obvious that addictive attachments are destructive.  Rather than providing security and survival, they cause pain, insecurity and destruction.  However in the brain they are coded through the same pathways that form our healthy attachments.  Recovery is a lengthy and complicated grief process.  How long does it take?  It can take years.  Treatment offers a safe place to begin the journey to recovery.  Continuing treatment and support groups offer encouragement and support along the way.  Recovery can be messy and  looks like any complicated grief process which forces the acceptance of a new reality.  It is often a bumpy path with many obstacles.  But for those that persevere, it results in freedom.

Bonnie Harken, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women in Pekin.  Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion.  Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective.  Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.  Visit www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com or call 1-800-348-0937.

Reference:  Neil Presnall, Addiction and Recovery, February 2014

The Destructive Attraction Between Codependents and Narcissists

10 Monday Feb 2014

Posted by in therapy for women

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The Destructive Attraction Between Codependents and Narcissists

Have you assessed the relationships in your life, both past and present, and wondered why you attract the same type of man or woman over and over?  There has been a lot written in the field of psychology about the attraction between codependents and narcissists.

Basically, narcissists focus on themselves; codependents focus on others.  For purposes of definition, a narcissist is a person who displays abnormal self-love with an exaggerated sense of superiority. They often seek attention and admiration from others and believe that they are better than others and are therefore entitled to special treatment. A narcissist is very charming in order to seduce people into liking them.  Their ability to seduce is amazing.  They want you to fall in love and bond with them so they can finally emerge as their true selves without being abandoned. The narcissist is attracted to the codependent who feels perfect to them because they are allowed to take the lead which makes them feel powerful, competent, and appreciated.  Narcissistic Personality Disorders (NPD) is a personality disorder which can be diagnosed and treated by a mental health professional.

Codependency is a learned behavior in which a person enters a relationship with another person and becomes emotionally dependent on him or her. Codependent people maintain an exaggerated sense of responsibility toward the other people in their relationships. They tend to do more than their share in their relationships and are hurt when they do not get recognition for it. Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love.  They are proud of their loyalty and dedication to the person they love, but they end up feeling used and unappreciated.  They often are sensitive to criticism, are inflexible to change and have problems with intimacy.

Codependency is not considered a mental disorder.  However, it is a set of unhealthy behaviors which can cripple and sabotage the lives we desire because it involves manipulation, decision making and confrontation avoidance, over controlling, lack of trust, and perfectionism.

Codependents find narcissistic partners deeply appealing.  They are attracted to their charm, boldness, and confident personality.  When the narcissist and the codependent become partners, the romance sizzles with excitement in the beginning.  But the narcissist fears a loss of identity and is sensitive to everything that leads to bonding.  They might pick fights and uproars to avoid bonding, use seduce and withhold behaviors, and many other ways to sabotage intimacy and bonding.   Eventually the thrilling romance transforms into drama, conflict, feelings of neglect and feeling trapped.

Codependents confuse care taking and sacrifice with loyalty and love.  They are proud of their loyalty and dedication to the person they love, but they end up feeling used and unappreciated. Codependents desire harmony and balance but they consistently chose a partner to whom they are initially attracted but will eventually resent.  They are resistant to leaving their partner because of their lack of self esteem and self respect.  What they fail to realize is that without self esteem or self respect, they are  incapable of choosing a mutually giving and unconditionally loving partner.  Their fear of being alone, compulsion to fix the relationship at any cost, and comfort with the martyr role is often an extension of their yearning to be loved, respected, and cared for as a child. Although codependents dream of an unconditionally loving and affirming partner, they submit to their dysfunctional destiny until they decide to heal the psychological wounds that ultimately compel them to pick narcissistic partners.

Both forms of dysfunction are often the result of childhood experiences.  The narcissist has often experienced excessive pampering, neglect, or abuse.  The codependent has usually learned the behavior from other family members. It is important to note neither condition is gender specific. A narcissist can be a man or woman and likewise a codependent can be a man or woman. Narcissists are often sex addicts or love addicts.   In the past male narcissistic sex addicts have been referred to as “Don Juan or Casanova” and females as “black widow spiders”.

In psychotherapy narcissists are encouraged to develop more realistic self-esteem and expectations for other people. Codependents benefit from group therapy to help them rediscover their identity and stop self-defeating behavior.

Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion.  Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective.  Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.

Our next program:  Learning to Love Yourself, Saturday October 25th – Tuesday October 28th!  There is still time to be part of this compassionate journey to self-acceptance and healing pathway to self-fulfillment, a Four Day Intensive Outpatient Program.  Click on this link or copy and paste into your browser for more information!http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/WellsofChangeProgram.html
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com

800-348-0937

 

[1] Article references available upon request

Video

Updated Video on Our 5 Day Intensive Outpatient Program

10 Monday Feb 2014

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During this 5 day intensive outpatient program with expert guidance and a supportive environment of women who share your struggles, you will begin to understand the “why’s” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life!
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
800-348-0937

Video

The Importance of Connections

10 Monday Feb 2014

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This video blog explains the role connections play in a healthy life. What happens when we become disconnected when a woman struggles with depression, codependency, eating disorders, addictive behaviors, relationship issues, grief and loss.
Crossroads Programs for Women
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
800-348-0937

Body Image: The Problem and The Difficult Solutions

25 Friday Oct 2013

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Image

Men and women often struggle with body image issues, now called body dysmorphic disorder.  If you have an eating disorder you more than likely will struggle with issues related to body image, but you can struggle with body issues and not have an eating disorder.  The definition of body image is our mental representation of us.  It is influenced by our feeling, which influences our behavior, thinking and self-esteem.  These body perceptions, feelings, and beliefs govern our life plan, who we meet, who we marry, the nature of our interactions, day-to-day comfort level, and the tendency toward psychological disorders.  Many issues are involved in assessing your body image.  They include your weight and diet history, your parents’ perception of your birth, the story of your birth, your name, and your parents nurturing style.  Also if you had any medical interventions as a child, peer acceptance, and sexual identification.

In each family we learned how to be male and female and all the implications and factors involved with this affects how we feel about our bodies.  Some of these would be our ego ideals, menstruation, developing bodies, pregnancy, menopause and aging are just a few.  The biggest influence in our society today on young boys and girls is the media where children are being influenced by what they see, which is an illusion. Considering their steady diet of observing children being sexualized, perfect bodies created by computer programs designed to remove any flaws and remove the normal curves of a body, is it any wonder that our children learn to distain their bodies and strive for the perfection that is impossible.  Our youth are selling their souls to buy the right products, get the necessary surgery, and in the process, they disconnect from their bodies and spend the rest of their lives trying to find the answers.  The sadness to me is to observe our youth living their lives as copies and some never find the awesomeness of how they were created to be unique and original.

 To determine how you feel about your body I recommend you write a letter to your body and fill in the blanks, 

 Dear Body:

I hate it when______________.

I do not like it when__________.

I am fed up with____________.

I love you because___________.

Thank you for ______________.

I appreciate you when________.

I want_____________________.

I’m afraid__________________.

I feel scared because__________.

I am guilty for _______________.

I am sorry that_______________.

Please forgive me for _________.

 Once you recognize and accept what you feel toward your body you can begin to make changes: Here are some suggestions:

  1. Develop criteria for self-esteem that go beyond appearance.
  2. Learn to appreciate how your body functions.
  3. Engage in behaviors that make you feel good about yourself.
  4. Reduce exposure to negative media images.
  5. Exercise for strength, fitness, and health, not just for weight control.
  6. Seek out others who respect and care about your body.
  7. Get out of abusive relationships.
  8. Identify and change habitual negative thoughts about your body.
  9. If you are stuck, seek help.
  10. Work on what you can change and accept what you can’t

You have been given your body by God.  No, it is not perfect.  But learning to love it, take care of it and changing your negative views can bring incredible joy as you connect and accept your body and learn gratitude and acceptance.  What a Gift! 

Mary Bellofatto MA, LMHC, NCC, CEDS, TEP, has spent the last 35 years assisting individuals in their journey of healing. Look for up and coming workshops with Mary at Crossroads Programs for Women in Pekin, where you can begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion.  It’s called finding the real me.  God made you an original, stop trying to be a copy.

Upcoming Workshops with Mary at Crossroads:

Reclaim Your Hope!

November 15-17, 2013

www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com

 

Is depression more prevalent in women or more diagnosed in women than men?

29 Thursday Aug 2013

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Be sure and respond to the poll at the end of this post!

It is often thought that women are more prone to depression than men.  Figures for the lifetime prevalence of depression vary according to the criteria used to define depression. Using DSM-IV’s criteria for ‘major depressive disorder’ which are similar to the ICD-10 criteria for ‘moderate depression’, the lifetime prevalence of depression is about 15 percent and the point prevalence about 5 percent. This means that an average person has about a one in seven (15 percent) chance of developing depression in the course of his or her lifetime, and about a 1 in 20 (5 percent) chance of suffering from it at this very point in time.[1]

But this may be misleading because it is not gender specific.  Women are twice as likely as men to suffer from depression.  The reasons are not entirely clear but it appears that the answer is biological, psychological, and sociocultural.  Women have higher incidence of fluctuating hormone levels.  Most obvious is postpartum depression and during menopause.  Biologically, we have a greater genetic predisposition to depression.

Women are more likely to think (or overthink?) about problems—which is a strength and a weakness.  We are also by our God-given nature more invested in relationships.  The affect on women of relationship problems often leads to depression.  Men are more apt to react to relationship problems with anger, substance misuse, or with a stoic tolerance that we, as women, see as indifference.

Sustained or chronic stress leads to elevated hormones such as cortisol, the “stress hormone,” and reduced serotonin and other neurotransmitters  in the brain, including dopamine,  which has been linked to depression.

From a cultural standpoint, women often have stress due to multiple responsibilities of working, bringing up children, maintaining a home, caring for older relatives, and the list goes on.  Added to that is that women live longer than men.  The loss of their support system of partners and friends through death and the resulting loneliness combined with declining physical conditions can lead to depression.  A woman is more apt to talk to her physician about her feelings and be diagnosed more frequently with depression.  Which leads us to wondering wether it is more prevalent in women or more diagnosed in women than men?

Regardless of the answer depression results in many women feeling hopeless and helpless.  A research study (Ages and Stages) by the University of California Los Angeles says that younger women depend on friends when depressed but women going through menopause and older rely on medication.  Young women think they can just ‘get over’ depression with the aid of friends and family. This is when the first episode of major depression is most likely – maybe after childbirth or a failed relationship. When women are in their 40’s and 50’s, depression may be assumed to be part of menopause and consequently the condition may go unrecognized. However life changes (children leaving home, divorce and aging parents) may be the actual triggers for depression than menopause.

In their sixties women tend to keep depression to themselves. In this survey, fewer than one in five confided in others. If they are dealing with the loss of a spouse, this can intensify their feeling of isolation. The take-home message of the survey is that younger women should realize that depression is a real illness that may need medical treatment. The older woman should recognize the importance of social support, as well as medication, in treating depression.

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)—which focuses on changing behavior, rather than talking about your childhood, for instance—can be effective with medication or even a substitute for drugs. It is much more focused on what you seem to be doing and thinking that is keeping you depressed.

Hopelessness and helplessness are feelings that overcome us when we are depressed.  Hope is a crucial ingredient in all healing—physical and emotional.  So depression can become very debilitating for this reason.  Ask most women who have experienced depression and they will relate that they just want to stay in bed and pull the covers over their heads!

Hopelessness robs us of the joy of each day and from fully embracing all that life has to offer.  There is help and tomorrow does not have to be like today but things won’t change until the depressed person reaches out for help.

 

[1] Psychology Today