20 Monday Oct 2014
17 Friday Oct 2014
Tags
addictive behaviors, anxiety, binge eating, codependency, depression, eating disorders, grief and loss, panic, stress
It is true that pain and sadness are part of the journey of life. I recently read this: “There is sadness but there is no suffering.” It was a statement meant to challenge most individuals’ belief about pain and suffering. The writer went on to say that pain and sadness are part of life but it is only when we resist our feelings that suffering happens.
When pain happens our natural tendency is to resist and deny the feelings. But…are we really denying ourselves when we resist our feelings? A second response is to run away from the feelings in a panic. But running away is followed by running after the feelings in order to control them. These actions actually reinforce the feelings as they subconsciously demand that we face them.
How can we break the cycle and avoid needless suffering? We must allow ourselves to be aware of the feeling. Then we need to acknowledge the feeling. The final step is to accept the feeling. So the thoughts change from I have lost that person/thing and I can’t go on (resistance) to I have lost that person/thing and I am sad.
The suffering lessens as we accept our sadness as a normal response to the loss. Then the process of healing can begin. Thus the writer’s statement: There is sadness but no suffering. Change is inevitable in life and often causes pain. If we can learn to face our feelings, we can accept their legitimacy in our journey.
We get stuck in our lives due to many factors: wounds of the past, conflicts of the present, and fears of the future. At Crossroads, we help women identify and accept their own definition of normal as part of their journey to happiness. We provide a therapeutic setting free of judgment or shame to allow women to explore their needs and recognize how to achieve their goals. With expert guidance and a supportive environment of women who share your struggles, you will begin to understand the “whys” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life.
Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.
Our next program:
Learning to Love Yourself
Saturday October 25th – Tuesday October 28th!
There is still time to be part of this compassionate journey to self-acceptance and healing pathway to self-fulfillment, a Four Day Intensive Outpatient Program. Call us for more information 800-348-0937. All inquiries are confidential Or click on this link or copy and paste into your browser for more information!http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/WellsofChangeProgram.html
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
[1] Article references available upon request
12 Friday Sep 2014
Tags
#panic attacks #anxiety #compulsive behaviors #depression #relationship problems #eating disorders, addiction help, addictive behaviors, anxiety, attachment disorders, binge eating, codependency, depression
I have always loved fall. The crisp air, jackets and pretty sweaters, the leaves in beautiful colors, pumpkin latte, homemade soup! The holidays are right around the corner. But for many, the holidays are filled with disappointments and sadness not the happiness they anticipated. Unrealistic expectations and faulty thinking can sabotage our ability to enjoy life’s simple blessings. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You can change your life by changing your thoughts. You can learn how at Crossroads. Don’t procrastinate. Every day counts!
The High Cost of Unresolved Emotional Issues
On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to change the high cost you are paying for your unresolved issues?
If you answered this question with an 8 or above, we can help! We are scheduling for our September outpatient programs now. All calls are confidential.
10 Monday Feb 2014
Posted in therapy for women
Tags
addictive behaviors, anxiety, binge eating, codependency, depression, eating disorders, panic, stress
The Destructive Attraction Between Codependents and Narcissists
Have you assessed the relationships in your life, both past and present, and wondered why you attract the same type of man or woman over and over? There has been a lot written in the field of psychology about the attraction between codependents and narcissists.
Basically, narcissists focus on themselves; codependents focus on others. For purposes of definition, a narcissist is a person who displays abnormal self-love with an exaggerated sense of superiority. They often seek attention and admiration from others and believe that they are better than others and are therefore entitled to special treatment. A narcissist is very charming in order to seduce people into liking them. Their ability to seduce is amazing. They want you to fall in love and bond with them so they can finally emerge as their true selves without being abandoned. The narcissist is attracted to the codependent who feels perfect to them because they are allowed to take the lead which makes them feel powerful, competent, and appreciated. Narcissistic Personality Disorders (NPD) is a personality disorder which can be diagnosed and treated by a mental health professional.
Codependency is a learned behavior in which a person enters a relationship with another person and becomes emotionally dependent on him or her. Codependent people maintain an exaggerated sense of responsibility toward the other people in their relationships. They tend to do more than their share in their relationships and are hurt when they do not get recognition for it. Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. They are proud of their loyalty and dedication to the person they love, but they end up feeling used and unappreciated. They often are sensitive to criticism, are inflexible to change and have problems with intimacy.
Codependency is not considered a mental disorder. However, it is a set of unhealthy behaviors which can cripple and sabotage the lives we desire because it involves manipulation, decision making and confrontation avoidance, over controlling, lack of trust, and perfectionism.
Codependents find narcissistic partners deeply appealing. They are attracted to their charm, boldness, and confident personality. When the narcissist and the codependent become partners, the romance sizzles with excitement in the beginning. But the narcissist fears a loss of identity and is sensitive to everything that leads to bonding. They might pick fights and uproars to avoid bonding, use seduce and withhold behaviors, and many other ways to sabotage intimacy and bonding. Eventually the thrilling romance transforms into drama, conflict, feelings of neglect and feeling trapped.
Codependents confuse care taking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. They are proud of their loyalty and dedication to the person they love, but they end up feeling used and unappreciated. Codependents desire harmony and balance but they consistently chose a partner to whom they are initially attracted but will eventually resent. They are resistant to leaving their partner because of their lack of self esteem and self respect. What they fail to realize is that without self esteem or self respect, they are incapable of choosing a mutually giving and unconditionally loving partner. Their fear of being alone, compulsion to fix the relationship at any cost, and comfort with the martyr role is often an extension of their yearning to be loved, respected, and cared for as a child. Although codependents dream of an unconditionally loving and affirming partner, they submit to their dysfunctional destiny until they decide to heal the psychological wounds that ultimately compel them to pick narcissistic partners.
Both forms of dysfunction are often the result of childhood experiences. The narcissist has often experienced excessive pampering, neglect, or abuse. The codependent has usually learned the behavior from other family members. It is important to note neither condition is gender specific. A narcissist can be a man or woman and likewise a codependent can be a man or woman. Narcissists are often sex addicts or love addicts. In the past male narcissistic sex addicts have been referred to as “Don Juan or Casanova” and females as “black widow spiders”.
In psychotherapy narcissists are encouraged to develop more realistic self-esteem and expectations for other people. Codependents benefit from group therapy to help them rediscover their identity and stop self-defeating behavior.
Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.
Our next program: Learning to Love Yourself, Saturday October 25th – Tuesday October 28th! There is still time to be part of this compassionate journey to self-acceptance and healing pathway to self-fulfillment, a Four Day Intensive Outpatient Program. Click on this link or copy and paste into your browser for more information!http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/WellsofChangeProgram.html
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
800-348-0937
[1] Article references available upon request
10 Monday Feb 2014
Posted in Uncategorized
Tags
addictive behaviors, anxiety, binge eating, codependency, eating disorders, panic attacks, therapy for women
During this 5 day intensive outpatient program with expert guidance and a supportive environment of women who share your struggles, you will begin to understand the “why’s” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life!
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
800-348-0937
17 Saturday Aug 2013
Posted in Eating Disorders
Tags
American Psychiatric Association, binge eating, Binge eating disorder, DSM-5, Eating, Eating disorder, eating disorders, Food, help for food issues, Overeating, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome, women and food
Even the most disciplined of us occasionally overeats, helping ourselves to seconds or even third portions, especially on holidays or at parties. This is not a binge eating disorder. It becomes a disorder when the bingeing occurs regularly and is accompanied by shame and secrecy. The binger is deeply embarrassed about overeating and vows never to do it again. However the compulsion is so strong that subsequent urges to gorge themselves cannot be resisted.
The DSM-V, released by the American Psychiatric Association in May 2013, legitimizes the suffering of millions of Americans by designating Binge Eating Disorder as a psychiatric illness which may make it possible to get the cost of treatment reimbursed by insurance.
According to the DSM-V, binge eating disorder is characterized by several behavioral and emotional signs:
In addition there is marked distress regarding binge eating present, it is not associated with frequent inappropriate behavior such as purging, excessive exercise, etc. Also it does not occur exclusively during the course of bulimia or anorexia.
There are many reasons people binge. Everyone uses food to meet needs other than hunger sometimes. It is not about an “event” of overeating. It is about a “pattern of behavior”. It’s also important to remember the relationship with food and eating behaviors are the symptoms of more profound underlying factors for most people with Binge Eating Disorder. Individuals with Binge Eating Disorder use food to:
While the exact causes are unknown, several factors are thought to play a part in binge eating disorder. The combination of causes and risk factors varies from person to person. Possible factors include genetics, a history of significant weight changes due to dieting or restrictive /irregular eating patterns, depression, mood disorders, weight related discrimination or bullying, problems with significant relationships, trauma and loss, emotional abuse or neglect, addictions, and sexual trauma.
People who are obese and also have binge eating disorder may be at greater risk for several potentially life-threatening complications, including Type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and cholesterol, gallbladder disease, certain cancers, osteoarthritis, joint and muscle pain, gastrointestinal problems, depression, anxiety, sleep apnea, and Polycystic Ovary Syndrome.
The experience of living with binge eating disorder is as distressing as any other eating disorder and often accompanied by a belief that it is a willpower issue and they are simply not “strong enough” to stop. Within a diet and thin-focused culture, the focus has been on weight loss as the goal. This “treatment” is often promoted by well-intentioned friends, family, and professionals. But with binge eating, dieting is a causal factor in the development of binge eating disorder. So it’s essential for treatment to provide alternatives to dieting for improving health and body image. In fact, weight loss as a goal of treatment—as opposed to goals of improved self care–can be damaging to the process of recovery.
For recovery to be lasting, people typically work with trained therapists, physicians, and others to address any underlying mood disorders, family dynamics, and complications from trauma. Ultimately, individuals must learn to treat themselves with the compassion and self-awareness needed for lasting recovery.
Recovery is typically an ongoing life-long process of growth and insight. But change is possible. Treatment is about helping people and their supporters begin this process successfully and knowing it will not be a perfect journey. There will be ups and downs. But over time and with proper treatment, those with binge eating disorder can find a much more peaceful relationship with food, their bodies, and themselves.
But nothing changes until something changes! Help is available. http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com 800-348-0937
Bonnie Harken has been in the eating disorders treatment field since 1987. She was a founding officer of Remuda Ranch Centers serving as a Vice President until February 2002. Since February 2002 she has served as the Managing Director of The International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals Foundation (iaedp). She has also served many major eating disorders treatment facilities as a consultant. In 2013 she opened Crossroads Programs for Women in Pekin, IL.
Reference Sources for this article: Binge Eating Disorder Association, DSM-V, and Medical News Today.com
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