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Monthly Archives: February 2015

Emotional Pain: Does It Have a Silver Lining?

21 Saturday Feb 2015

Posted by crossroads420 in Anxiety, Codependence, Depression, Grief and Loss, therapy for women, women and relationships

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#depression, #eating disorders #crossroads programs for women #diet help, #panic attacks #anxiety #compulsive behaviors #depression #relationship problems #eating disorders, #relationship problems, addictive behaviors, anger, anxiety

chinese symbol for crisisChange is inevitable in life and often causes pain. When we experience a crisis we can feel totally hopeless.   If we can learn to face our feelings, we can accept their legitimacy in our journey. When pain happens our natural tendency is to resist and deny the feelings. But are we really denying ourselves when we resist our feelings?

How can we break the cycle and avoid needless pain and suffering? We must allow ourselves to be aware of the feeling. Then we need to acknowledge the feeling. The final step is to accept the feeling. So the thoughts change from “I have lost that person/thing and I can’t go on” (resistance) to “I have lost that person/thing and I am sad.” The suffering lessens as we accept our sadness as a normal response to the loss. Then the process of healing can begin.

I have always found the metaphor of the Chinese symbol for crisis comforting. The symbol has two parts: the first stands for the circumstances (danger) and the second part symbolizes opportunity.

So what opportunities can come from our pain?

  • Pain allows others to be there for you. It is so easy to isolate yourself from the comfort of your friends, family and others who care about you. Not everyone will understand what you are going through but having the support of those who care about you is very comforting. Sometimes sharing a movie, having a pedicure together, or another “girls’ night out” activity is very helpful and doesn’t require an in-depth discussion or understanding of the issues you are facing.
  • Pain allows you to find your own identity. We have many roles in life: daughter, sister, mother, grandmother, and friend are just a few. Pain often happens when life circumstances change such as when the children leave home to begin their own lives and you are now tending an “empty nest”. The loss of a life partner from death or divorce are examples of a “lost” role. In these instances, you are forced to find your own identity. Identifying your core values and needs and finding your own identity is a big step on the journey of recovery and to finding happiness again.
  • Pain allows for major life change and the opportunity for understanding and putting closure on “old” pain, giving relief from repressed hurt and anger. It allows you to get spiritually connected or reconnected and to reassess your life’s goals and priorities.
  • Pain allows you to become grateful for simple things. I recommend keeping a Daily Gratitude Journal. It doesn’t have to be a fancy or expensive journal. A simple notebook will do. Start out by writing the date at the top of the page and by rating your day from -5 to +5 at first glance. Then begin to analyze your day closer. List 3 “successes” you had during the day. Then pat yourself on the back: what did you do today that required courage? What did you learn about yourself today? What actions, thoughts, steps did you take today on your journey of healing? Where do you need to be kinder to yourself and therefore happier and more productive? What did you do for yourself today (self-care)? And then finally list 3 things that you appreciate and are grateful for today. The last is essential you must list at least 3 things. As you reflect on your written thoughts, re-evaluate your day again from -5 to +5. Did your rating change as you reviewed your day with a more positive mindset? End by writing anything you noticed as you reflected on the day or something you want to do differently tomorrow.

We get stuck in our lives due to many factors: wounds of the past, conflicts of the present, and fears of the future. Professional counseling can help you identify and accept your own definition of normal. On your journey to happiness, you will learn to accept the things you cannot change, change the things you can, live one day at a time, enjoy one moment at a time, and accept the world and other people as they are-not as you want them to be. With expert guidance you will begin to understand the “whys” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life.

Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion.  Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non-denominational Christian perspective.  Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you. Call 800-348-0937 or visit www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com for more information. All inquiries are confidential.

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Learning to Love and Accept Yourself is a Key to Embracing Life!

06 Friday Feb 2015

Posted by crossroads420 in addictive behaviors, Codependence, Depression, therapy for women, women and relationships

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#crossroads programs for women, #depression, #panic attacks #anxiety #compulsive behaviors #depression #relationship problems #eating disorders, #relationship problems, #therapyforwomen, addictive behaviors, anger

Elements of learning to love and accept yourself are:  self care, self compassion, self kindness, and accepting love from others.  Our self image drives how we relate to others and the choices we make in life.  This self care quiz will help you look at how well you are doing on the first element–self care.

Self Care Quiz Instructions:

  • How good are you to yourself?
  • There are no right or wrong answers, just answer however seems appropriate for you right now – and see what you learn about yourself!
  • Score 2 points for each Yes, 1 point for each Sometimes and 0 points for No’s.
    Yes Sometimes No
1. I am up-to-date with my optician, dentist and other health check-ups
2. I am happy with my physical fitness & energy levels
3. I eat well nutritionally most of the time and do not abuse my body with caffeine, alcohol or similar
4. I have plenty of sleep so I always feel well rested
5. I take regular breaks from my work during the day, at weekends and use my holidays for enjoyment & relaxation
6. I like how my hair is at the moment, I am happy with my wardrobe and my ‘style’
7. I meditate, journal, quietly relax or have alone-time with myself regularly (where I am not doing anything e.g.. chores or doing things for others
8. I prioritize how I spend my time and important things always get done in plenty of time
10. I say “No” to myself and others when I need to
12. My home is cleaned regularly to a standard I am happy with
11. My home is organized and tidy and somewhere I love to be
13. My home is a calm haven (or has a place within it) that takes me away from the stresses of the world
9. I recognize my stress signals and know when to take a break
14. I have enough people in my life who love and support me
15. Apart from exceptional situations, I only spend time with people who support, energize and inspire me
16. I listen to and trust my intuition when it comes to looking after me
17. I have a mentor/s that support and encourage me in life
18. I have no regrets and have forgiven myself my past mistakes
19. I have let go of any past resentments towards others
20. I have reserves of things that are important to me or help my life run smoothly (anything from contact lens solution to pens, paper, vitamins or bathroom tissue!)
21. I have things to look forward to in my life
TOTAL NUMBER of Yes’s, Sometimes, and No’s.

The maximum possible total is 42. Write your score here ______

What did you learn about yourself?

Due to the demands and judgments of today’s lifestyle many women have forgotten to love themselves and as a consequence feel dissatisfied and unhappy. Crossroads’ Learning to Love Yourself program is for the woman who wants to believe and achieve new happiness and self-fulfillment.  We help women identify and accept their own definition of normal as part of their journey to happiness.  We provide a therapeutic setting free of judgment or shame to allow women to explore their needs and recognize how to achieve their goals.   Call for details 800-348-0937 or visit www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com.

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