20 Monday Oct 2014
17 Friday Oct 2014
Tags
addictive behaviors, anxiety, binge eating, codependency, depression, eating disorders, grief and loss, panic, stress
It is true that pain and sadness are part of the journey of life. I recently read this: “There is sadness but there is no suffering.” It was a statement meant to challenge most individuals’ belief about pain and suffering. The writer went on to say that pain and sadness are part of life but it is only when we resist our feelings that suffering happens.
When pain happens our natural tendency is to resist and deny the feelings. But…are we really denying ourselves when we resist our feelings? A second response is to run away from the feelings in a panic. But running away is followed by running after the feelings in order to control them. These actions actually reinforce the feelings as they subconsciously demand that we face them.
How can we break the cycle and avoid needless suffering? We must allow ourselves to be aware of the feeling. Then we need to acknowledge the feeling. The final step is to accept the feeling. So the thoughts change from I have lost that person/thing and I can’t go on (resistance) to I have lost that person/thing and I am sad.
The suffering lessens as we accept our sadness as a normal response to the loss. Then the process of healing can begin. Thus the writer’s statement: There is sadness but no suffering. Change is inevitable in life and often causes pain. If we can learn to face our feelings, we can accept their legitimacy in our journey.
We get stuck in our lives due to many factors: wounds of the past, conflicts of the present, and fears of the future. At Crossroads, we help women identify and accept their own definition of normal as part of their journey to happiness. We provide a therapeutic setting free of judgment or shame to allow women to explore their needs and recognize how to achieve their goals. With expert guidance and a supportive environment of women who share your struggles, you will begin to understand the “whys” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life.
Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.
Our next program:
Learning to Love Yourself
Saturday October 25th – Tuesday October 28th!
There is still time to be part of this compassionate journey to self-acceptance and healing pathway to self-fulfillment, a Four Day Intensive Outpatient Program. Call us for more information 800-348-0937. All inquiries are confidential Or click on this link or copy and paste into your browser for more information!http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/WellsofChangeProgram.html
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
[1] Article references available upon request
16 Thursday Oct 2014
Tags
#depression, #relationship problems, anxiety, codependency, compulsive behaviors, stress, therapy for women
The Destructive Attraction Between Codependents and Narcissists
Have you assessed the relationships in your life, both past and present, and wondered why you attract the same type of man or woman over and over? There has been a lot written in the field of psychology about the attraction between codependents and narcissists.
Basically, narcissists focus on themselves; codependents focus on others. For purposes of definition, a narcissist is a person who displays abnormal self-love with an exaggerated sense of superiority. They often seek attention and admiration from others and believe that they are better than others and are therefore entitled to special treatment. A narcissist is very charming in order to seduce people into liking them. Their ability to seduce is amazing. They want you to fall in love and bond with them so they can finally emerge as their true selves without being abandoned. The narcissist is attracted to the codependent who feels perfect to them because they are allowed to take the lead which makes them feel powerful, competent, and appreciated. Narcissistic Personality Disorders (NPD) is a personality disorder which can be diagnosed and treated by a mental health professional.
Codependency is a learned behavior in which a person enters a relationship with another person and becomes emotionally dependent on him or her. Codependent people maintain an exaggerated sense of responsibility toward the other people in their relationships. They tend to do more than their share in their relationships and are hurt when they do not get recognition for it. Codependents confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. They are proud of their loyalty and dedication to the person they love, but they end up feeling used and unappreciated. They often are sensitive to criticism, are inflexible to change and have problems with intimacy.
Codependency is not considered a mental disorder. However, it is a set of unhealthy behaviors which can cripple and sabotage the lives we desire because it involves manipulation, decision making and confrontation avoidance, over controlling, lack of trust, and perfectionism.
Codependents find narcissistic partners deeply appealing. They are attracted to their charm, boldness, and confident personality. When the narcissist and the codependent become partners, the romance sizzles with excitement in the beginning. But the narcissist fears a loss of identity and is sensitive to everything that leads to bonding. They might pick fights and uproars to avoid bonding, use seduce and withhold behaviors, and many other ways to sabotage intimacy and bonding. Eventually the thrilling romance transforms into drama, conflict, feelings of neglect and feeling trapped.
Codependents confuse care taking and sacrifice with loyalty and love. They are proud of their loyalty and dedication to the person they love, but they end up feeling used and unappreciated. Codependents desire harmony and balance but they consistently chose a partner to whom they are initially attracted but will eventually resent. They are resistant to leaving their partner because of their lack of self esteem and self respect. What they fail to realize is that without self esteem or self respect, they are incapable of choosing a mutually giving and unconditionally loving partner. Their fear of being alone, compulsion to fix the relationship at any cost, and comfort with the martyr role is often an extension of their yearning to be loved, respected, and cared for as a child. Although codependents dream of an unconditionally loving and affirming partner, they submit to their dysfunctional destiny until they decide to heal the psychological wounds that ultimately compel them to pick narcissistic partners.
Both forms of dysfunction are often the result of childhood experiences. The narcissist has often experienced excessive pampering, neglect, or abuse. The codependent has usually learned the behavior from other family members. It is important to note neither condition is gender specific. A narcissist can be a man or woman and likewise a codependent can be a man or woman. Narcissists are often sex addicts or love addicts. In the past male narcissistic sex addicts have been referred to as “Don Juan or Casanova” and females as “black widow spiders”.
In psychotherapy narcissists are encouraged to develop more realistic self-esteem and expectations for other people. Codependents benefit from group therapy to help them rediscover their identity and stop self-defeating behavior.
Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you.
Our next program: Learning to Love Yourself, Saturday October 25th – Tuesday October 28th! There is still time to be part of this compassionate journey to self-acceptance and a healing pathway to self-fulfillment, a Four Day Intensive Outpatient Program. Click on this link or copy and paste into your browser for more information!http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/WellsofChangeProgram.html
http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
800-348-0937
[1] Article references available upon request
01 Wednesday Oct 2014
Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Eating Disorders, Grief and Loss, therapy for women, Uncategorized
Tags
#crossroads programs for women, #eating disorders #crossroads programs for women #diet help, #panic attacks #anxiety #compulsive behaviors #depression #relationship problems #eating disorders, #therapyforwomen, codependency
I have observed over the years many wonderfully bright and successful women who are obviously mismatched with a life partner or significant other. For some this is not a single experience but rather a pattern of choosing partners who are needy and dysfunctional. Woman who are charming, well educated, and successfully employed who compromise their lives and futures by committing to a man that is obviously Mr. Wrong.
I write this article as the common denominator of two failed marriages and other unsuccessful significant relationships. I say this so you know that I am not judging or writing about material that I have not experienced. I have been on a twenty year journey of being compelled to understand the “why” of it all. Through understanding I hope to help other women understand too. I call myself the “common denominator” as a constant reminder that I was a free and willing participant—and sometimes the aggressive seeker—in these relationships. I will not excuse my actions by assuming the role of a victim. I also refuse to cast the men as the villains in the relationships. In reality we were dysfunctional people, trying to find happiness and making each other miserable.
I previously wrote an article about the destructive attraction between narcissists and codependents. It was cathartic for me in understanding one of my relationships. But what it didn’t explain was my pattern of unhappy relationships because certainly not every man I “loved” was a narcissist.
John Farrar, an author and counselor at Central Michigan University, says, “It appears to cross all age, ethnic, and socioeconomic lines. More descriptively, the pattern is one in which females of virtually any age, from teens to seniors, attach themselves to males who are significantly less capable, achieving or functional than they are.” Mr. Farrar refers to it as a “recurring nightmare”. His published research comes from working with and surveying over 300 women.
“My investigation has led me to the identification of six causes, or ‘strands’ as I identify them, that lead to these relationship decisions,” Farrar says. “I refer to them as strands because there appear to be many ‘fibers’ that combine to produce the motivation embodied in that strand. In addition, often women have been able to point to more than one motivation, one strand that generated (their) relational choice.”
The first strand that he identified was poor self-esteem or poor self-concept which leads the woman to believe that she is getting all she deserves in her relationship even though friends and family may clearly see the obvious mismatch.
The second strand was nurturing which many anthropologists identify as caretaking and believe is biologically rooted in a woman’s nature. While men, through the millennia, have been hunter-gatherers, women tended to the nest and the offspring. It is a traditionally held view that, even in the age of the computer, feminism and the two-income household, women retain their biologically driven instincts to look after others.”
The third strand was excitement, which explains certain women being drawn to “bad boys.” So do nice guys finish last? To the women and girls in this strand, the answer is yes. These men are seen as more challenging and more exciting than more conventional good guys.
The fourth strand was the need to be nurtured which makes many women vulnerable to a “sugar daddy”. This man brings elements of status to the relationship, Farrar says, such as a nice car, extravagant trips or lavish spending.
The fifth strand is control. This is a common strand identified by more mature women, Farrar notes. “This strand is, in many ways, more complex and difficult to understand fully than many of the others,” he says. “Its origins may be the most difficult to trace and, in all likelihood, probably has its beginnings in many disparate areas. The female who is seeking control, either consciously or unconsciously, may be exhibiting learned behavior from a dominant mother.” In these relationships, he says, either underlying insecurity is guiding these women to needier males, or the women are simply acting out their commitment to a feminist view, which makes them determined not to be dominated by any man.
The sixth strand-chemistry-is the miscellaneous, “there’s just something about him — a certain je ne sais quoi,” catchall strand. “Chemistry addresses the inexplicable biological magnetism and is aimed at accounting for relationships which do not fit into any of the previous five (strands),” Farrar says. “It accounts for relationships between individuals for whom there are no obvious common interests or personality matches. It also explains why a woman is drawn to a male who, on a more rational, cognitive level, she concedes has seemingly little to offer in terms of physical appearance or social status.”
Although I admittedly don’t know how researchers judge the scientific basis of Mr. Farrar’s conclusions, as a woman with life experiences that qualify me to have an opinion, I think his identified “strands” make a lot of sense. I can relate! Can you?
So how can you change and start to make healthier decisions about relationships? After identifying the strands, Farrar took his research a step further and developed strategies to help women choose healthier relationships. Among his suggestions:
Therapy will be very helpful on your journey to finding happiness and fulfilling relationships. Therapy will help you identify your faulty thinking and understand the “whys”. Our thoughts affect not only our individual lives but also the totality of life around us. Where you put your energy in thought is important. If your thoughts are based in negativity and limitations you create a very different life than if your thoughts are rooted in abundance and love. You have the ability to create a meaningful life by changing the way you think.
There is one more element that I would add as significant to a pattern of unhealthy relationships. It is my belief that casual sex or sex outside the bounds of a mature and committed relationship leads many women down a slippery slope. It is said that women have sex to get love and men say they love them to get sex. Said another way, sex represents commitment to most women while to most men it’s just sex…. My coaching for women who are dating is built on a foundation that abstaining from sexual activity is very helpful in realistically evaluating the long term potential of the relationship.
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Bonnie Harken, NCLC, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women, has been in the mental health field since 1987. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women, where you can begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com 800-348-0937
Related Articles
Is Our Sex Crazed Culture Making Us Mentally Unhealthy?
The Destructive Attraction between Codependents and Narcissists
26 Friday Sep 2014
Tags
#depression, #eating disorders #crossroads programs for women #diet help, #relationship problems, addictive behaviors, anxiety, stress, therapy for women
Our 5 day outpatient program-Reclaim Your Hope- and our 4 day outpatient program-Learning to Love Yourself- now include this testing free of charge to you to help detect the physiological issues complicating your emotional wellbeing. These tests will provide additional information that may be very helpful in your recovery. Therapy is directly supported when the biochemistry of the body is addressed.
What Are These Tests?
Are you on anti-depressant or anti-anxiety medication? You can take the lab results from these tests to your physician to see if another medication may be more helpful or you may choose a more natural, holistic path. That is your choice! The test results will also include specific nutritional recommendations to assist in the restoration and resetting of the nervous system.
An emotion is the psychophysiological response to the interactions between biochemical and environmental stimuli. Many expressed emotions have been shown to stimulate specific brain regions. It is directly and indirectly influenced by the immune system, chronic inflammation, and mental thoughts. Mental and emotional therapies for behavioral modifications are directly supported when biochemistry is also addressed. Assessment of neurotransmitter levels can provide valuable information about the status of the nervous system and its interaction with other systems in the body.
How Can These Tests Help?
Depression: It is very common for women with depression to take antidepressant therapies recommended by their doctor. Commonly prescribed medications for depression work by altering brain signaling via neurotransmitter modulation. Assessment of neurotransmitters involved in depression can be helpful in selecting the best class of medication, tracking the medication’s effects, and determining the success of the medication.
Anxiety: Anxiety disorders can vary greatly in severity and duration, and accordingly, a variety of treatment plans are available. Assessment of neurotransmitter levels can provide valuable information about the status of the nervous system and its interaction with other systems in the body. The immune system can be evaluated in a number of ways to identify the presence and cause of inflammation or other root causes of anxiety. Once the biochemical abnormalities contributing to anxiety are identified, a personalized treatment approach to depression can be undertaken.
Stress: The way in which you manage stress throughout your life can have a substantial impact on your health and wellbeing. Modern living has created unnatural stress that the body can no longer adapt to at a certain point. In individuals with trouble coping, this can potentially lead to issues such as inflammatory or immune problems, in addition to neurotransmitter imbalances. Looking in to the potential cause of stress is essential in resolving the associated symptoms. Making an effort to reduce the stressors commonly present in everyday life is important, as well as providing support to help your body better deal with stress. Laboratory evaluation of neurotransmitter levels can lead your healthcare practitioner to suggest targeted amino acid therapy customized to your test results as well as your symptoms.
Hormone issues can lead to a variety of clinical symptoms. Often these issues are addressed as only a hormone problem. It is also important to consider the possible involvement of nervous, endocrine, and immune systems. The nervous system is the central regulator of the endocrine system. The immune system can override both. Evaluation of all three of these systems is needed in order to arrive at the correct diagnosis and treatment plan. Hormones and neurotransmitters can become imbalanced due to stressors on the body such as chronic inflammation, immune issues, anxiety, or depression.
What Do These Tests Cost?
These tests are expensive and only partially covered by most insurance plans. At Crossroads we are women helping women. We know from personal experience the physical changes in our bodies throughout our lives. We understand that emotions are complex and believe that finding the right solutions based on a body, mind and spirit approach is an important component of healing. It is for this reason that this testing and education is being added to our program WITHOUT ANY ADDITIONAL COST TO YOU!
We limit the size of our groups in order to provide the most intensive therapeutic experience in a condensed format! Now these expensive tests as part of our treatment protocol in order to provide the best possible quality of care we can provide. Don’t miss out on this opportunity!
There is Still Time to Register for Our Upcoming October Program
Learning to Love Yourself – October 24-27, 2014
Questions? Call 800-348-0937 or email me! bresourceful@earthlink.net
More information also at www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com
12 Friday Sep 2014
Tags
#panic attacks #anxiety #compulsive behaviors #depression #relationship problems #eating disorders, addiction help, addictive behaviors, anxiety, attachment disorders, binge eating, codependency, depression
I have always loved fall. The crisp air, jackets and pretty sweaters, the leaves in beautiful colors, pumpkin latte, homemade soup! The holidays are right around the corner. But for many, the holidays are filled with disappointments and sadness not the happiness they anticipated. Unrealistic expectations and faulty thinking can sabotage our ability to enjoy life’s simple blessings. Nothing changes if nothing changes. You can change your life by changing your thoughts. You can learn how at Crossroads. Don’t procrastinate. Every day counts!
The High Cost of Unresolved Emotional Issues
On a scale of 1-10, how much do you want to change the high cost you are paying for your unresolved issues?
If you answered this question with an 8 or above, we can help! We are scheduling for our September outpatient programs now. All calls are confidential.
06 Wednesday Aug 2014
If you were lying in your yard with a broken leg and yelling “Don’t touch me! Leave me alone!” your friends would try to help. They wouldn’t leave you. They would assess the situation, intervene by treating you themselves or calling for an ambulance. They would be clear in their own minds that treatment would be needed and more than likely, everyone would agree that action had to be taken. So what changes when a person is displaying an emotional “injury”? Why do people procrastinate and resist treatment? Why don’t more friends and families initiate interventions with their loved one?
Neglecting mental health treatment can result in more serious problems down the road. For decades, researchers have been studying why some people don’t get treatment. Their findings suggest it is a complex set of reasons behind this reluctance to seek out mental health treatment.
The latest study, published in the journal Psychological Medicine, reviewed findings from 144 studies that covered a population of nearly 90,000 subjects. The researchers specifically looked at barriers to treatment reported in these studies, and pooled the findings to come up with ten barriers to getting mental health treatment.
So what are some of the top reasons people don’t seek treatment for mental illness?
• Self-sufficiency — wanting to handle the problem on one’s own — and simply feeling that they didn’t need treatment for the issue.
• Stigma about mental health issues
• Confidentiality issues
• Low knowledge about mental health services
• Fear/stress about the act of help-seeking or the source of help itself
• Lack of accessibility to care
Five Conditions that May Develop into Serious Emotional Problems without Treatment
All of these mental health issues are usually accompanied by depression, self-defeating behaviors, and faulty thinking and actions. Depression often gets worse if it isn’t treated. Untreated depression can lead to other mental health and physical problems and troubles in other areas of a person’s life. Feelings of depression can lead to suicide.
Early treatment can often prevent many serious mental health issues, but people may sometimes go from doctor to doctor for years and visit the emergency room repeatedly before someone correctly diagnoses their condition. This is unfortunate because many of the early symptoms are very treatable and in most cases respond to certain kinds of medication or certain kinds of cognitive psychotherapy, which help change faulty thinking patterns that lead to more serious issues.
If you are a family member or friend, voice your concern about their behaviors to the person. You may want to solicit the help of a professional interventionist. Back your judgment and even if you feel as though you are doing the worst possible thing for your friend or loved one and fear their resentment and anger, do whatever you have to. Be loyal to wellness. Don’t be loyal to illness.
If you experience any of these symptoms yourself, reach out for help as soon as possible. Many of the ways that individuals “handle” these issues without professional help involve the development of dysfunctional compensatory behaviors which complicate and exacerbate the resulting mental health condition, making recovery more prolonged and complicated. You can avoid more serious, complicated mental health issues when you seek professional help sooner rather than later!
__________________________________
Sources Available Upon Request
Bonnie Harken, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non-denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you. Visit http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com or call 1-800-348-0937.
10 Thursday Jul 2014
There is little we dread more than losing a life partner who is often our most important source of comfort and support. They are people who share our achievements and our happiness. They soothe us and help us problem-solve when things are hard. We do the same for them. Life partners take care of each other in a special way. Their loss can trigger intense feelings of grief. About a million people lose a spouse or partner each year in the United States, and there are currently about 11 million widowed older adults in the country. Widowhood is often a lonely, very painful experience.
The death of a child may be the most difficult experience a person ever faces. Parents begin to care for a child as early as conception as they imagine what the child will be like. Taking good care of a child is often the most important thing in a parent’s life. A child’s death triggers feelings of care-giving failure. The loss of a child can sever a parent’s feeling of connection to the future and feel like losing a part of themselves. A bereaved couple may find themselves unable to support each other because they may grieve in different ways which can deprive them of the support they need from each other. This situation can cause stress in the relationship, adding to the pain of the loss.
Over 20% of us will lose a family member to suicide, and the grief we experience can be especially intense and difficult. When a loved one commits suicide, survivors almost always blame themselves and often feel abandoned or rejected by the person who died. They may have strong feelings of anger intermixed with regret and sadness. Unfortunately, suicide is not uncommon. More people now die of suicide than in car accidents, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. In 2010 there were 33,687 deaths from motor vehicle crashes and 38,364 suicides.
Researchers used to believe that all people moved through five specific stages of grief, in order. Today it’s accepted that different people follow different paths through the experiences of grieving:
• Accepting the reality of your loss
• Allowing yourself to experience the pain of your loss
• Adjusting to a new reality in which the deceased is no longer present
• Having other relationships
You may accomplish these in a different order or on a different timeline than another person. These differences are normal. For some people, feelings of loss are debilitating and don’t improve even after time passes. This is known as complicated grief. In complicated grief, painful emotions are so long lasting and severe that you have trouble accepting the loss and resuming your own life.
It’s not known specifically what causes complicated grief, researchers continue to learn more about these factors that may increase the risk of developing it:
• An unexpected or violent death
• Suicide of a loved one
• Lack of a support system or friendships
• Traumatic childhood experiences, such as abuse or neglect
• Childhood separation anxiety
• Close or dependent relationship to the deceased person
• Being unprepared for the death
• Lack of resilience or adaptability to life changes
Some factors that may help identify complicated grief include:
• Inability to trust others
• Emotional numbness or detachment from others
• A sense that life is now meaningless
• Belief that the future won’t be fulfilling
• Agitation or jumpiness
• Social withdrawal
These symptoms sometimes occur during the normal process of grieving. In complicated grief, however, they show no signs of improvement over time.
Complicated grief can affect you physically, mentally and socially. Without appropriate treatment, these complications can include depression, suicidal thoughts, risk of physical illness, anxiety, post-traumatic stress disorder, difficulty with daily functioning, and addictive behaviors. It’s not known what causes complicated grief. As with many mental health disorders, it may involve an interaction between inherited traits, your environment, your body’s natural chemical makeup and your personality.
You may benefit from professional help if you:
• Can focus on little else but your loved one’s death
• Have persistent pining or longing for the deceased person
• Have thoughts of guilt or self-blame
• Believe that you did something wrong or could have prevented the death
• Feel as if life isn’t worth living
• Have lost your sense of purpose in life
• Wish you had died along with your loved one
At times, people with complicated grief may consider suicide. If you think you may act on suicidal feelings, call 911 or your local emergency services number right away.
_________________________
Sources Available Upon Request
Bonnie Harken, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women in Pekin. Begin your journey of finding renewal, hope, joy, direction and passion. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non-denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you. Visit http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com or call 1-800-348-0937.
This program offers 32 hours of intensive group therapy focusing on the following: Depression, anxiety, disordered eating, loneliness, fear, relationship issues, grief and loss, self-worth and self-esteem, recovery challenges and/or relapse which can cause despair in the lives of women who come to Crossroads for help. Our intensive outpatient programs offer practical tools for change as well as providing an individualized aftercare plan. With expert guidance and a supportive environment of women who share your struggles, you will begin to understand the “whys” and learn how to move beyond today with a new confidence to change your life. Call 800-348-0937 for more information or visit our website http://www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com.
12 Thursday Jun 2014
In an era of multi-tasking, trying to have it all (marriage, children, and career), and high expectations, women are experiencing higher levels of anxiety than our mothers faced a generation ago. Depression and anxiety are different conditions, but they commonly occur together and have similar treatments. They are two of the most common mental health concerns in our society and are often experienced as a complex set of emotional and functional challenges. It is not uncommon for people with depression to experience anxiety and people with anxiety to become depressed. There is also overlap in some of the treatments, so it is beneficial to learn about both conditions.
The science of mind-body medicine helps us understand the ongoing connection between the mind and body and see how anxiety and depression may be triggered by a variety of factors. These can include nutritional, psychological, physical, emotional, environmental, social, and spiritual factors, as well as genetic tendencies or brain disease.
Depression is a common disorder, affecting over 350 million people worldwide. It is a disabling condition that adversely affects a person’s family, work, or school life; sleeping and eating habits; and general health. In the United States, the incidence of depression has increased every year in the past century, and now, according to the Centers for Disease Control, one out of ten people report experiencing a depressive episode. Depression is typically characterized by low energy and mood, low self-esteem, and loss of interest or pleasure in normally enjoyable activities. Women are 70% more likely than men to experience depression in their lifetime. Men and women experience depression differently—while women tend to experience sadness and guilt, men often feel restless or angry and are more likely to turn to alcohol and drugs to cope. Depression causes unnecessary suffering and is a risk factor for suicide.
Anxiety disorder is characterized by emotional, physical, and behavioral symptoms that create an unpleasant feeling that is typically described as uneasiness, fear, or worry. The worry is frequently accompanied by physical symptoms, especially fatigue, headaches, muscle tension, muscle aches, difficulty swallowing, trembling, twitching, irritability, sweating, and hot flashes. Emotional symptoms include fear, racing thoughts, and a feeling of impending doom. People suffering from anxiety often withdraw and seek to avoid people or certain places. When suffering from moderate to severe symptoms of depression or anxiety, it is critical to have a working relationship with a provider, or team of providers, who can help you choose your treatment approach and evaluate its effectiveness. The providers may include a primary care physician, nurse practitioner, psychotherapist, or other professional who is philosophically aligned with you, as well as integrative therapy providers. If you are taking any oral natural supplements in combination with conventional prescription medications, it is critical for both the prescriber and the pharmacist to be aware which supplements you are taking. The Anxiety and Depression Association of America estimates that almost one out of five people suffer from an anxiety disorder, making it the most common mental disorder in the United States. While generalized anxiety disorder is the most common, there are other anxiety disorders, including obsessive-compulsive disorder, panic disorder, phobias, and post-traumatic stress disorder.
We often respond to stressful events in ways that are not particularly helpful. It is important to know that adjusting your attitude can reduce stress. Try the following tips:
What consumes your mind, controls your life. You can change your thinking and change your life.
Bonnie Harken, Founder and CEO of Crossroads Programs for Women has spent the last 30 years assisting individuals begin their journey of healing. Look for upcoming programs at Crossroads Programs for Women in Pekin. At Crossroads we help you recover from your past, reclaim your dreams, and renew your spirit. Each program is a blend of lectures, group discussion, and therapeutic exercises offering a healing curriculum. We explore the spiritual components of healing from a non-denominational Christian perspective. Why continue to struggle? Tomorrow does not have to be like today. We can help you. Visit www.crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com or call 1-800-348-0937.
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21 Wednesday May 2014
Tags
connection, professional training, psychodrama, psychodrama therapy for women, treating patients with depression and anxiety, treating patients with eating disorders
Our Connections determine who we are. Our ability to connect emotionally and spiritually determine the quality of our lives whether it’s a connection to self, others, or to the God of our understanding.
Stone Center at Wellesley College did a study regarding connections. They determined the following:
Outcomes of Disconnections:
Diminished zest or vitality
Disempowerment
Confusion, lack of clarity
Diminished self-worth
Turning away from relationships
Outcomes of Connection:
Each person feels a greater sense of “zest” (vitality, energy)
Each person feels more able to act and does act
Each person has a more accurate picture of her/himself and the other person(s)
Each person feels a greater sense of worth
Each person feels more connected to the other person(s) and a greater motivation for connections with other people beyond those in the specific relationship
Our work as professionals is to assist our clients on their journey from disconnections to one of meaningful life changing connections. I recently heard a powerful quote by Elizabeth Kubler Ross, a woman we associate with the grief and loss cycle but this quote should have been her hallmark. “It’s not the end of the physical body that should worry us. Rather our concern must be to live while we’re alive, to release our inner selves from the spiritual death that comes with being behind a facade designed to conform to external definition of who and what we are.”
The above task is not simple but a complex remarkable journey to the inner self, to the body, to the soul, to the spirit. I am sure we all have unique methods to assist our clients on this journey, but like any journey there is always planning, preparation and pursuit. I have found psychodrama, as an energizing, directive, innovative tool in this journey.
Psychodrama is an action method that helps clients understand the roles they play and gives the therapist tools to assist clients with change. J.L. Moreno, the father of psychodrama, believed the self emerges from the roles we take on. In observing our clients we come to understand the more fragile they are, the more rigid one becomes where they take a role and hang on to it until they become role locked or role fatigued. Roles are developed by first taking the role, second playing the role and thirdly creating the role. Remember when you first became a therapist? That’s when we took the role and followed all the rules and was fearful of making a mistake and always checked with others to make sure we were doing the job correctly. Later as you began to play with the role you relaxed a bit and started adding some of your own creativity to the role. Lastly after some time you were able to make the role yours, adding your own unique styles, methods and moving into a new level of spontaneity and creativity. Then something new comes along and we go back to the beginning and work our way through the new learning. This process continues for a lifetime, as we create change and new cultural conserves.
Within the role theory, we can access the act of the hungers, the desires, the wishes and needs that originate in the body that can only be fulfilled thru actual body movement or interaction. The body shuts down movement in order to protect feelings and it shuts down feeling in order to lock down the body. This is where action techniques helps release our clients from the body/mind disconnect and brings awareness through relationships. In relationships there can never be a “we” until there is an “I”. It is about forming connection with the parts until they become real. Reality equals how I think, feel, behave and how we are in our body. But often in an addictive process the thinking is distorted, the feelings are shut down, and the behaviors are not appropriate. There is a major disconnect from the body.
WHERE TO FROM HERE?
The methods of psychodrama involve the ABC’S of connection. Affect, Behaviors, Cognition and Spirituality. This method allows one to experience the past and the future, all in the present here and now which allows for reality testing. The following is an exercise you can safely execute with your eating disordered clients.
It’s called the play of life: Designate an area in the room to represent a stage about 4 feet by 5 feet and mark if off with tape so the client is aware this represents the action area. Have client pick someone in the group to be her body at present (this person is called an auxiliary) and put them in the stage area and sculpt them according to how the clients feels about her body. They may be standing with their back to the client, lying down on the floor with their face on the carpet, or curled up or bowed down. Now ask the client to stand where she feels she is, in relationship to her body, whether on the stage with the body, or across the room. Look for distance, and stanch to determine how they feel toward the body. Now have the client reverse with the body, where the auxiliary becomes the client. From this role reversal, ask the body, what do you want to say to your owner?
Reverse back to the original position and have the auxiliary body speak what the client said in the body position. Continue this dialogue to gather information about the client and the extent of her anger, hate and fear of her body. At some point, ask the client, what would it take for you to make one simple change in your stance toward your body? It might mean “I could turn around and look at you from across the room”. Then ask, what behaviorally would that mean to you? Examples: It might mean
“I will start to connect with you in keeping a food journal so when I eat to connect to my body”,
”I will start to do a daily affirmation regarding my body”
If the client is ready, ask her what the second and third step would be if she started connecting with her body.
This becomes a rough treatment plan of the work the client needs to do. THE CLIENT ALWAYS KNOWS WHAT THEY NEED TO DO IF YOU GIVE THEM AN INROAD TO ACCESS THE INFORMATION. Check in with your client regarding their fear of connection with their body. (Question, if you got connected with your body what do you think would happen? If they say “I’m not sure”, have them become the part that is sure and speak from that place. Ask the same question as related to their emotions and their spiritual connection).
This simple technique will assist you to gain insight into your client but it is even more affective because the client experiences the disconnect in her body and the process of change. If you want to encourage the client, ask them to step into a future projection and show us “how you would like it to be with your body”. I have seen them move into a bone-crushing hug even though in reality they could not tolerate that level of connection and in action, they will acknowledge that. Always give the client permission to be where they are but to encourage them on their journey. It critical that we, as clinicians, have our own powerful connections so we do not ask any clients to fill our own needs.
Learn about these procedures and psychodrama as a method for individual and group work at my training in July, 2014. I am a Trainer, Educator, and Practioner of Psychodrama and can give training hours toward certification. I am also an iaedp™ approved supervisor.
LEARN HOW TO USE PSYCHODRAMA TECHNIQUES WITH YOUR PATIENTS
The Professional Development Institute at Crossroads is offering a three day psychodrama training with Mary July 17-19, 2014. It offers 21 ce’s. This is the only psychodrama training Mary, who is nationally known, offers in Illinois.
SPECIAL DISCOUNTS ARE AVAILABLE
There are special discounts if you register a group of 3 or more people from one organization. Each person should register and use the discount code GROUP at checkout to receive the discount.
There is also a discount of $50 if you register between May 20-27, 2014. Use the code MEMORIALDAY at checkout to receive the discount.
(Sorry but discounts cannot be combined)
More information here: http://crossroadsprogramsforwomen.com/PsychodramaTraining.html
You can also call 800-348-0937 or email bresourceful@earthlink.net.
REGISTER HERE: http://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e99xhh649197b8e7&llr=vcpbxtkab
Mary Bellofatto, MA, LMHC, NCC CEDS, TEP
Mary is owner and President of Mary Bellofatto Consulting. She has been in the mental health field for over forty years, leading retreats, seminars, trainings, and program development in the eating disorder field nationally, and internationally. She is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor with the State of Florida, a national Certified Counselor, a Certified Eating Disorder Specialist and a certified Trainer, Educator, and Practitioner of Psychodrama. Mary is presently on the Board of Directors for iaedp™ and the Executive Counsel of the American Society of Group Psychotherapy and Psychodrama. She is an award-winning speaker, a Toastmasters Bronze, Who’s Who in U.S Executives, and Lexington Who’s Who of Executives And Professionals. She consults with a number of treatment centers in the U. S. & Canada, training staff and program development. Mary is also an approved supervisor of iaedp™ and serves as Immediate Past President of the International Association of Eating Disorders Professionals Foundation (iaedp™) Board of Directors.
REGISTER HERE: http://events.r20.constantcontact.com/register/event?oeidk=a07e99xhh649197b8e7&llr=vcpbxtkab
Encouragé 